thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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