Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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