I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
