So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
