Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize