I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
