haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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