I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
