She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
