We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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