There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
