Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
