Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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