"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
