so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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