I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
