I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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