Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
