Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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