Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
