The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please come you make the beer taste better
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
