apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
