i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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