I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
