Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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