you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
