and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
