I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
