That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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