Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
