I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You smell like stripper and shame
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
