this just has baby written all over it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
