I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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