1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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