we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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