The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
