i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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