This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
