Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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