my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
