All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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