her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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