Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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