Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
birth control should be required to get into college
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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