My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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