hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
