He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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