Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
