there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
