he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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