He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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