Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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