Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
