Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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