I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
