She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
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I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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