she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
