My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
