Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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