After last night, I could never be a politician.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
