On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
