so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i love accidental penises.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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