Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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