You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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