i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you bring me the toilet please
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
