he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
dude. I can hear the air.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
