Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
